Men and Women Are Different

Sorry, this isn't really important...just sort of ramblings. Actually, most of this stuff isn't important--if you're looking for actual life-or-death happenings, check out websites like this.

So late last week I stop in a mall on the way home to pick up a surprise CD for the Philosophress. "The Little Willies," which is a bluegrass/country-esque band with Norah Jones et al, is actually quite nice. They cover some Willie Nelson (hence the band name), Hank Williams, and even one Elvis song. I recommend a listen, if you're into that mellow sort of thing.

Anyhoo, all that to say that while I did look up directions from work to the mall, I'm counting on my ultra-refined sense of direction to help me figure out *where* the store was in the mall. Keep in mind that this place has more retail space than the Mall of America (like any nerd, I naturally looked up the stats).

A full thirty minutes later, I've finally emerged from the labrynthian catacombs (actually exiting, then driving around, then reentering again at a different spot) with the following question:

How the &$#! do women do this?!?!

Seriously...I feel like one of those lab mice in a maze, only I never can get to the cheese. The Master Scientists, employing their fiendish tools of similar-looking staircases, escalators, and elevators, have crafted a masterpiece that outsmarted this rodent.

In the future, should I pack a compass? I've tried looking at those directory maps...the only problem is they're located so far away from my entrance point (and my objective, I might add) that I'm hopelessly lost by the time I find something helpful. I feel like I need signal flares or smoke signals or something. This mall has a Gap, a Body Gap, a Baby Gap, and a Women's Gap...and not adjacent to one another--so it does no good to use Gap as a mental reference point, not to mention that you feel like you're walking in circles ("Wait, didn't I just see Gap? Oh wait, that was Baby Gap...this is...Normal Gap...*turning around frantically*) There's fixed lighting, so you can't rely on shadows by day or follow the North Star at night...there's no moss growing on the North Side of the Macy's (not that this mall anyway)

I can't be the only one who's baffled by this--a part of me wants to head to the mall strictly for observation purposes one day to see if others share in similar confusion (if I wasn't so sure that I'd get lost even when I wasn't shopping). I think my conclusion is just that I need to have a woman with me at all times. I'm not sure if there's a scientific answer to this question, but someone (social scientist, interior architect, or maritime expert) should look into this.