On Coffeehouses

I've decided coffeehouses are subversive, which suits me just fine.

They are places where strangers meet, throw around random ideas, brainstorm creative solutions...all while imbibing in mild (or not-so-mild) stimulants to keep the synapses firing. There are no private, back-room conversations. Eavesdropping is a great way to take a mental break before getting back to the task at hand. It is a waystation, an ever-changing mix of people working, socializing, refueling, thinking, journaling, and planning.

On good days, it feels a bit like a revolution. Organizers for American Independence met in alehouses, and coffee (with its glorious property, caffeine) similarly fueled the French Revolution. Today, there exists all manner of counter-cultural propaganda: "fair trade" items, liberal publications, and local advertisements. There are all sorts of commune-friendly activities: sharing tables & outlets (violation of personal space!), pleasant banter, creating, reviewing, and publicizing content through free (gasp!) wireless internet. It is a real-time flash mob -- folks from all walks of life assembled for specific, albeit varied, purposes in the same physical sphere.

Positively madness!

Just the sort of place I like to frequent as I work on building a business, crafting client pitches, and sorting out my thoughts. I don't own this chair, this desk -- I lay claim to it by squatters' rights for a brief time of my own choosing. I don't want the physical trappings anyway -- it's merely a convenient proving ground as I turn my ideas and passions into real value.

Don't worry, I'll be sure to wear a button-down shirt and hide the fire in my eyes when I leave this place and head toward a presentation in the executive suite.

On the New Job

So I thought I'd write down some details on the new job now that things have settled down a bit. I was going to write about this a couple weeks ago, but my immediate supervisor was transferred to another location, and one of my coworkers was promoted to another campus, so there's lots of changing dynamic. In any event, there's an Admissions Officer position open in Atlanta for anyone interested ;)

I am now an Admissions Officer, and it feels nice to get back into the academic realm. Of course, I'm not exactly in a prototypical college campus with dorms and manicured quads -- it's a school that specializes working with adults heading back to finish their education. So location-wise, we're on the first floor of an office building right near the interstate. We offer classes in the evenings and online (with some classes meeting on Saturdays), and we have 6 campuses scattered around the metro Atlanta area.

In all, it's a good place for me to be right now. You'd be surprised how hard it is to convince (supposedly-) interested people that finishing their education is a good idea. I spend most of my day on the phone following up with people who have expressed interest in going back to school. I hear all sorts of responses: "I don't really like my job right now, but I don't have time to go to school." "I'm not working right now, so going back to school isn't a good idea for me." "I'm interested, but can you call back next year?" And on it goes.

For those that are interested, however, it's a rewarding experience -- especially in this economy, it's great to connect with those who want to be strategic and pursue education that will take them to the next level. It's also helping me to develop a thicker skin on the phone, and not be worried that I said something wrong if someone hangs up on me. That's the other funny thing -- people don't like to be honest on the telephone. They'd rather hang up abruptly, make an excuse, or tell me to call back later instead of saying "I don't want to go to school." Those are the magic words to me, because then I can stop hassling you with phone calls if you're really, truly not interested.

I work with 3 other Admissions folks who all do about the same thing. And I say it's a good fit for me "right now" because while it got me in the education field and to Atlanta, it's not particularly challenging in the long-term. It's great to help individuals realize their goal of education, but making 10 phone calls (or more) to find one interested person isn't really the type of numbers I'm looking for when I say I want to work in Communications. But it got me here and enables me to network and learn my way around the city, so I can't complain too much.

This Day

I'm realizing my mind plays crazy tricks on me, and I'm starting to get wise to them, which is a very good thing.

I gave notice today and signed an offer letter, two events I've been longing to do for quite some time now. Unfortunately, the "longing" part -- more of a pitiful wishing-well scenario rather than a courageous motivation to action -- was neither inspiring nor a very realistic picture of how the day actually played out.

Unlike I had previously imagined, the birds singing in the trees did not awaken me this morning (everyone knows by now the alarm clock has trouble awakening me many days), and I didn't feel overly energized. I slurped down my coffee and left for work later than I'd hoped, like many days before.

I mentally paused as I exited the elevator -- this was the day I had been looking forward to -- and I realized I'm still a poor predictor of how "real life" happens. I don't feel all magical inside, I simply worked my tail off, and with the right combination of emails, phone calls, thinking, and praying, found a job in Atlanta.

Even after all this, I found my palms getting sweaty before this afternoon's meeting with my boss...doubts both specific and shadowy threatening to push their way into the forefront of my mind. A part of me was convinced I really didn't want to have this conversation and that the timing would be better tomorrow.

What was the big deal? I finally asked myself. What am I so afraid of? (That's becoming a popular internal question I ask myself these days -- as the answer, or the worst-case scenario, seems unequal to the benefit gained by conquering whatever hurdle lies before me). At 4:30, I pictured how I'd feel in an hour after my conversation was all over, how relieved I would be and how optimistic and energized I could attack the transition as I marked off steps in the process.

And then I went for it, had a good and mature conversation with my boss, who asked many of the right questions, both personal and professional. In turn, I was able to share more of myself, my future passions, and ways I thought he could improve his business and manage the varied personalities and client issues (albeit from my relatively insulated perspective) in this troubling economy.


Forgetting what lies behind, and the sin that so easily entangles, I press forward...

Job Offer Extended

Probably will accept by the middle of the week once I've read all the fine print...

I think this means my Christmas list will include requests for a seersucker suit and a straw hat ;)

Strength

Something interesting has happened the past couple weeks, which is really pretty cool. I'm reminded of a story in Wild at Heart (probably because I'm moving through the sequel with a group of guys out here) where the author's sons rise to meet the challenge in a time of action. His assessment: their strength was needed, they had been trained, and they delivered.

For the first time in quite some time, I feel myself at a similar convergence....refreshingly, with the desire, ability, and confidence to succeed. Oh, it's probably not going to be tidy (as I stood looking at the boxes in the garage that somehow have to fit in my car), but I finally have aligned myself with something that resonates deep within me.

It's difficult to display strength without confidence, and consequently, I've tried to cultivate confidence quietly and consistently. But there's always that leap of faith. One of those moments was last week, I'll be in the midst of one of those moments over the coming month....and maybe, these are the sort of moments where real living happens. I wonder what life will look like if these moments are chosen carefully and strategically, embraced for the adventure they bring, and are used to advance into new life situations and challenges. What if the recovery period between adventures lasts only days or weeks rather than months or years?

I think I'm about to find out, and it's refreshing to have strength and confidence to call upon...

Job Interview Update

Good feedback, and hopefully a formal offer to follow before the end of the week. I'll write some more here later once I've had time to process everything...

Phone Interview Today

Kind of a big deal -- not an ideal long-term position, but certainly a good short-term position...and it will get me to the ATL...

Mental Toughness

As the frequency of my blog posts might suggest, I haven't exactly been a model of consistency lately. I think the root of the problem traces back to my lack of mental toughness. It's oddly humorous, because progress in one area of life leads to backward steps in another.

Growing up and even into my college years, I operated under the assumption that I was a rational, left-brained individual, seeking the quickest and most efficient path to a goal or through an obstacle. The academic life supported this "deadline-oriented" outlook (procrastination) -- throwing a mountain of effort at a problem, finding a solution, then resting and finding a change of scenery (be that a weekend, a new class subject, semester, etc).

Following graduation, I discovered a couple things: life after college doesn't provide well-marked transitions or regular checkpoints, and I'm far more emotionally wired than I ever realized growing up. This requires a new level of discipline that, frankly, I'm not exactly had much practice in mastering. My challenge is to balance my emotions with determination to move forward in the real-world life settings.

Too many times I burn myself out pushing late into the night on trying to get out to Atlanta, as if I could will my way across the country with an extra hour of research or work. Too many times I get lost in watching television because I've allowed the stresses of my current position to dampen my spirits and drain the strength I need to push to create a new life in a different city.

This balance requires a level of emotional honesty that acknowledges that I'm human and need breaks. I can't burn myself out and crash, because I will always have daily responsibilities. I can't retreat into a cocoon of comfort, because relocation requires pushing the envelope of comfort. At the same time, I need to be intentional and consistent about forging a new path and creating new connections.

So I'm trying a new tactic to increase my emotional, physical, and mental focus, as well as "strategic disengagement" (fancy term courtesy of The Philosophress via a Harvard Business Review article, "The Making of a Corporate Athlete"). I'm trying to schedule focused times where I push myself (running, job applications, etc) and also evenings where I can surf Facebook and read sports stories. The goal is that hopefully I can develop better habits and be more productive when I need to tackle job search responsibilities (networking, email follow-ups, applications, etc).

Weekend Recap

So it's Monday, I'm tired again, but if I don't write some stuff down here, time will keep marching on. This weekend was pretty awesome -- The Philosophress and I got to stay in a six-star resort in Phoenix as part of the BCG recruiting process. I didn't have to miss work and didn't have to deal with jet lag since I didn't leave the Pacific Time Zone.

Aside from sweet food, some familiar faces, and spending time together, there was the Saturday kayaking trip. There were various activities, but I think we hit the jackpot, as we had a two-person inflatable kayak for a downriver 3 mile excursion. As an aside, I think that marriage counselors should set up a nearby tent anywhere there's an activity that requires husband-wife coordination. We quickly learned that we could just float to our destination "Lazy River" style, but others were not so fortunate, running into rocks, low-hanging tree branches, etc.

We were told that there was a chance to see bald eagles and herds of wild mustangs, and sure enough, we hit the jackpot -- the second time this year The Philosophress and I have encountered a bald eagle whilst kayaking. Throw in the overcast day with some intermittent light showers, and it was definitely a relaxing and enjoyable afternoon in the Tonto National Forest.

It was also great to just chill with one of the scoutmaster guides, who was a young guy probably in his early 30s. He also does survival training, so I asked him my best Bear Grylls questions. We also got into some of the crazy things he's heard tourists say through the years, including a lady who would stop paddling, lean waaay over each side of the kayak and peer into the water. When asked what was wrong, she replied, "I'm just trying to see the track this thing's on."

Then there are those who pull their kayaks out of the water, see the buses, and say "Oh great, right back where we started." That's right -- the mysterious circular river.

Or the lady that demanded that the guide "bring the horses back out" because she wanted to see them again.

Some people really need to get outside more often...

~~~

Then Sunday we met up with Lee, Junk, and their ladies as an added ND bonus to cap off the weekend. It was fantastic to see all four of them, and there's some mischief planned, hopefully taking the form of camping in/near the Grand Canyon. I'll be tracking this story with interest, as I'm trying to be a bigger fan of the outdoors and shed the "clean and proper boy" moniker...

Forwarded from The Philosophress...

Twitter-er, or just Twit?

I've joined the ranks of the tweeting, twitterpated, half-wit, dim-wits. To wit, I will be trying things out. If you want to find me, search for my (real) first and last name on Twitter. You can also find Irish Elvis on there too, but I'm not sure what I'm going to do with that...

If I'm going to work with companies and suggest they use Twitter to market and connect with consumers, I'd best be familiar with the medium...

Sadly, No Midwest Trip for me

Well, until this morning there was an outside chance I'd be on campus for the ND-Purdue game, but the combination of procrastination, lack of airline miles, and the industry's general desire for loads of cash keeps in SoCal for the weekend.

No matter, The Philosophress will be out for the weekend with instructions to be an ambassador for both of us and to bring home a W. Welcome her as you would me: with open arms, although with fewer butt slaps, please.

In job seaching news, this means I can be productive this weekend. I don't think I've been this excited about work since I was working in baseball (before the season started -- the "no days off all summer" bit tempered my enthusiasm near the end of things)...

Rolling Downhill?

Well between The Philosophress accepting her job offer and my membership enrollment in a national PR association (and joining the GA chapter), I feel like connections are beginning to get easier. Between the wife's future co-workers, the PR association directory, LinkedIn, Facebook, and the ND Alumni network, I'm able to find connections at lots of places.

Still on the Wish List for personal contacts (ideally, someone with connections to the PR/communications department in) :

Habitat for Humanity
Emory University
Georgia Tech
CARE USA
Carter Center


...and I'd better get to work. I guess my applications for the Atlanta Community Food Bank and the Clean Air Campaign will have to wait until tonight...

Buying Irrationality, Selling Our Future

So this week was pretty crazy, what with everyone and their brother selling off stocks left and right, the US government pumping $180B into worldwide markets and calling on London, China, and Russia to do likewise. We've nationalized the world's largest insurance company (79% of AIG) and made it illegal to short stocks -- at least for the time being.

Panic is a strange thing, as it causes folks to behave nonsensically. Thursday and Friday were big gains in the stock market, but only because the Fed threw tons of money at the problem and said "we're going to make everything ok." If that's what investors are pinning their hopes on, I hope nothing crazy like another hurricane or oil spill or Russian offensive or terrorist attack occurs, because that's the sort of thing the Fed can't control.

$180B certainly helps to keep disaster at bay, but I'm not convinced that some other natural disaster or world event won't destroy investor and consumer confidence. If that happens, then we could be in some interesting times.

In other, more awesome news, The Philosophress accepted her job offer in ATL. This, after all her classmates' i-banking and finance summer internships basically go up in smoke, and along with the fact that the new first-year MBA students won't touch the financial sector with a 10-foot pole, means there's lots of demand for consulting gigs.

Kudos to The Philosophress for going after her passions and what she's good at, and with the added luck that it wasn't in a sector that's going to see some real hard times in the next couple years.

All this to say that I'm about done tap dancing around at the bank. I'm eschewing the "send the resume off into cyberspace and hope some computer doesn't filter me out of the applicant pool" approach to job hunting and instead sending emails and making connections with relevant people in the area. We are solidly in the "it's time for us to be closer and begin reintegrating our lives back together" phase. I definitely want to make it out to the ATL before we hit the "distance is detrimental to personal and relational growth" part of the show.

More details to follow...

Mergered!

So after all the fun we had being acquired by Merrill Lynch in the 3rd quarter last year, apparently someone decided we should try again!

I certainly have a unique perspective of the financial sector right now, and I'm very glad that I'm job searching outside the banking industry, as it doesn't look too optimistic these days. We'll see how the mood is at the office, and I'm sure we'll have conference calls and whatnot today.

Here's my take on the story: last October, Merrill fired their CEO and wrote down a bunch of bad debt and reorganized executive management. The other financial institutions tried to wait things out and hoped the economy would turn around. When it didn't, everyone else started writing off their bad debts, and while Merrill's loans may have been good/quality, when everyone else in the marketplace is selling assets at 30 cents on the dollar, Merrill couldn't keep their assets on the books at full-price.

It's probably a good idea that BofA bought Merrill, because last October Merrill stock was at $75, on Friday it closed at $17. I doubt Merrill would have been able to raise the $40-$50 billion that was the purchase price of the company from external sources.

So now there are 3 main players: Goldman Sachs, Bank of America, and JP Morgan Chase. I think those will stick around, but it should make for some interesting days ahead at work...

Fight-or-Flight Response: In the shop for repairs

So I'm not sure when I realized this, but I think my fight-or-flight response is broken.

I'm not even sure how this all plays out, but usually writing this sort of thing down helps, so bear with me -- this is for my own good.

When I think back to my formative years, and even back in college, I walked around with a sort of innocence. Yes, things would be tough, but the "bubble" was always there in one form or another, and it was always safe. Honestly, I didn't think to test the limits too much, and was not really encouraged to do so. As long as I played nice, life went along smoothly, with enough breaks and laughs sprinkled in.

Fast forward to now. Living on the West Coast, The Philosophress on the East Coast, and I want to make it out to ATL post-haste. I really don't think I've been as firmly resolute about anything as moving to the East Coast -- so many quality of life improvements, the promise of adventure, a fresh start, and transitioning back into an industry where my passions reside.

The problem is, I've never developed the muscles required to push and struggle against "the flow," and inertia certainly isn't nudging me eastward. I know that it requires effort and persistence, yet there's still some mental roadblock that keeps me from moving forward with greater enthusiasm.

It would be easier if the job hunt was like writing a school paper: turn in your best work by x date and you'll either get an awesome, mediocre, or dull offer letter. I'd like to think I'd work to the deadline something fierce, probably up to (or beyond) the point of exhaustion, and then crash afterwards and recuperate for whatever came next.

But that's the thing about real life: there aren't too many deadlines for personal growth. There aren't really any formulas. I talk to one person over here, apply to that job over there, and if the two are at all related, I might stand a better shot.

In the meantime, I'm finding it increasingly difficult to focus over long periods of time to grind away and be responsible. I keep telling people I'm making progress, I keep applying for jobs, I keep emailing potential contacts...but when is it ever enough?

The desire to move cross-country (again!) is not insignificant, especially given the fallout that happened the last time around. The Philosophress sympathized earlier today that I've basically been job-hunting for the past 5 years, and I imagine that's part of the grind.

But what of this missing fight-or-flight response? If SoCal is so bad, shouldn't that be motivation enough to get out? If ATL presents so many growth opportunities, that should provide an adequate finish line...

Instead, complacency and mediocrity persist -- I'm not fully caring to invest in new relationships or career advancement in my current job in CA, and the frustration is not significant enough to induce action.

What is it exactly that I'm afraid of? Why won't I fight inaction? I enjoy adventure on the small scale -- weekend adventures, unscripted explorations, new experiences -- what is so paralyzing about adventure and relocation on a grander scale?

I used to think that my current job was wearing me out, that I needed to work less so I could devote more of my limited energy to the job search. I'm beginning to wonder if the challenge of changing industries and geographies is what is so physically exhausting.

Why would my energy level take a hit when I think of due diligence on the job search? Developing relationships are good -- I'm going to need those. It's not like I have much to cling onto here in CA -- I feel fragmented, with a long-distance relationship and a job where I can't fully utilize my natural strengths. Why do I shrink back from pursuing the very thing that would be a huge mile-marker on the path to a more unified, coherent, and transparent life?

I think it's the pursuit without an fixed end point that is so demoralizing. But what is it that I need, really? A gold star and a hearty handshake for each phone call I make to a networking contact? The elements of a job search aren't all that complex, really. Establishing relationships, writing emails, demonstrating aptitude and talking about my passions like writing and communicating. If I can't do this on my own time and for my own benefit, can I really expect to be able to flip that switch once a new job does roll around?

I'm just trying to sort through my thoughts and determine what's influencing my actions. If something is broken/missing, I'd much rather hash it out now before the whirlwind of a new job/environment is imminent.

Asking the Right Questions

I'm finding one of the marks of Good People is the ability to ask the right questions. I suppose this arises from my own acknowledgment that I don't always do so myself. I've spent considerable time in the past trying to play by the rules of others, subsequently finding my own individuality and creativity squeezed out in the process. The Philosophress and I tend to demonstrate our individuality in non-traditional ways (maybe she even moreso than I!). As such, I'm aware of the metaphorical stares of others. While prejudged comments are discouraging, it is even more refreshing to encounter those who want to know the stories and thoughts behind the sometimes curious actions.

A couple weeks ago, I was on the phone with one of my good friends, recounting The Philosophress' full-time consulting job offer. His question was fantastic: "I know she wants to get involved with non-profits at some point -- does this help her achieve that ultimate goal, or has she shifted her focus?" This enabled me to dive into her vision of understanding business principles and high-level organizations so that she can connect non-profits with networks of resources (organizations, funding, manpower, etc) to maximize impact. A conversation with another acquaintance did not go so well. "Ah, the lucrative option," he says, giving a smirk and a knowing nod when informed The Philosophress is working toward her MBA. Such a comment is a powerful (and unfortunate) indicator of someone who has career paths presorted in neat categories, and the Big Bad Business World is where all materialistic folks go to keep one another company.

The life lesson for me to remember in all of this is that we must be true to ourselves. If others understand and want to remain involved, so much the better. For those that do not or cannot think outside the box, we must not be deterred from living truly and authentically. It will probably not always go as planned, but I don't want to take the easy road in attempts to avoid unseen mishaps -- those have a way of popping up regardless.

Good Day or Bad Day?

How's this for some Friday drama? The Philosophress finishes her summer internship today, at which point the company makes offers to those it wants to hire full-time following graduation next spring (and not everyone is offered).

The fantastic news is that she's one of the lucky ones! Of course, this comes as no surprise to many of us, but this summer has definitely been a (good) stretch and a growing experience. Time and many discussions will tell if this is the best option for us after graduation, but for now, I'm excited and relieved to have a celebratory weekend!

Oh, and we're both in Oregon ensuring the Sabellian gets hitched. Cue the hilarity in 5....4....3....

Existing Job Update

This is an interesting time to be working in the financial sector. I'm fortunate that (at this moment) our company, our bank, and our team are all strong financially. I remember in the fifth or sixth grade I did a report on the Great Depression (yes, I am a nerd) and had trouble comprehending exactly why stockbrokers were jumping out of windows on Wall Street. I'm not sure if I know that answer, but I can see many similar trends existing in today's economy. Let's hope things turn around in the near future.

I'm not an expert on any of this stuff, so please don’t use my anecdotal observations to influence your financial decisions - I'm not that well-qualified.


The first motivator in this economy is fear. Fear makes us do many things that ordinarily (or in hindsight) would be labeled overreactions. Most recently, IndyMac Bank here in L.A. defaulted and had to be taken over by the Federal government. Lines are stretching around the block for people trying to get their money back.

I have news for you people: the outcome has already been decided. If you have less than $100k in checking/savings accounts, why would you waste hours of your life in line? A lack of understanding of the rules and regulations leads to irrational activity. The government has your back, and you can draw on it anytime you wish. Your accounts at (now) IndyMac Federal Bank are guaranteed. It’s business as usual. Waiting in line won’t change much.

On the other hand, it’s ridiculous how the “big” financial players can change things immensely. I recently read an article in Fortune Magazine that Bear Stearns went belly up when an internal email circulated around Goldman Sachs that GS wouldn’t extend any new lines of credit for Bear Stearns. Once this vote of “no confidence” got out, no one had any confidence in Bear Stearns and all their clients pulled their investments. Again, the Fed (with the help of JP Morgan) stepped in and buoyed Bear Stearns stock price.


On the other hand, I'm a little concerned with the “talking points” that have been circulating our email boxes -- for internal use only, of course. Even before these "reassuring" emails I was pretty confident in our bank's position, but actual facts only go so far because of the fearfulness and irrationality displayed these days. One wrong word by a so-called “analyst” can turn the public tide of perception. While many folks are moving their money to our bank (due to our solid reputation and performance), one of our bank clients wants to move their investments away from our bank and into Fidelity. Only problem is, they’re both managed by the same brokerage clearinghouse, Pershing. It’s like worrying that Chevrolet will stop manufacturing cars, so you go out and buy a Cadillac -- they’re both General Motors, and if you’re that concerned, you might want to do your homework first.

Even though our bank’s position is healthy, I wonder how many other, less fiscally sound institutions around the country are circulating similar “talking points” to their front-line folks while the suits sit in board rooms and discuss how to sell off divisions and raise capital through foreign investment. It reeks of disingenuity, and I’m not a fan of bank tellers playing the part of PR specialists.



The last reason why this all matters? People are holding on so tightly to their stuff. Whether that stuff is their cash, or their houses (remember those sub-prime mortgages?), or their job security, or their retirement, they’re trying to cheat disaster. I'm oddly thankful that I'm searching for a new job right now, because if (heaven forbid) something crazy goes down I'm already establishing my network for a new position. I want to invest in people more than “stuff” so that I don’t start swearing if investments or company stock prices tank (you should hear some of the women around the office these last several months!).

The successful people are those who value personal relationships. There are many folks at Bear Stearns who just took their existing clients (and their investments) to Citi or JP Morgan or Goldman Sachs because they were heading there anyway. Lo and behold, when those firms needed extra brokers to handle all their new accounts, these brokers had a new job and all their same clients.

Maybe I'm just inherently skeptical, but I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket. While my job is good, with good coworkers and good pay, I know if one (or several) of our clients get hairbrained ideas and start walking, someone’s job is in trouble. But I want to continue building my relationships with people -- in good times and bad, quality relationships yield good results!

When the Director tries to be a bit character

My mind works in silly ways sometimes.

I'm not entirely certain why, but I have to remind myself repeatedly that I need to take a leadership role in positively affecting my circumstances. It's like I'm a bit character in a play, and I'm a bit frustrated with my small role. Oh, how my heart would soar if I was promoted to a larger part -- I would learn my lines, capture the essence of the main character...

and then I look at the Director's chair, and my name is on it.

Rather than portray a flat character in a minor role, I have the ability and power to change the scenery, alter the players, switch up the music...heck, I can start writing another whole script!

And yet, here I sit - a part of me holding back. What exactly is it that I'm afraid of? Fear itself? What is so unconquerable? What other skills or talents am I missing to make a successful transition? None that I'm aware of.

What's more appalling, I want to congratulate myself for properly enunciating my one line in the scene...when I should be Directing another play altogether. There is still a large portion of myself that clings unwaveringly to "safe and easy" - and I'd like to jettison the part of myself that values comfort, because laziness quickly crowds out the chance for growth and change.