This Day

I'm realizing my mind plays crazy tricks on me, and I'm starting to get wise to them, which is a very good thing.

I gave notice today and signed an offer letter, two events I've been longing to do for quite some time now. Unfortunately, the "longing" part -- more of a pitiful wishing-well scenario rather than a courageous motivation to action -- was neither inspiring nor a very realistic picture of how the day actually played out.

Unlike I had previously imagined, the birds singing in the trees did not awaken me this morning (everyone knows by now the alarm clock has trouble awakening me many days), and I didn't feel overly energized. I slurped down my coffee and left for work later than I'd hoped, like many days before.

I mentally paused as I exited the elevator -- this was the day I had been looking forward to -- and I realized I'm still a poor predictor of how "real life" happens. I don't feel all magical inside, I simply worked my tail off, and with the right combination of emails, phone calls, thinking, and praying, found a job in Atlanta.

Even after all this, I found my palms getting sweaty before this afternoon's meeting with my boss...doubts both specific and shadowy threatening to push their way into the forefront of my mind. A part of me was convinced I really didn't want to have this conversation and that the timing would be better tomorrow.

What was the big deal? I finally asked myself. What am I so afraid of? (That's becoming a popular internal question I ask myself these days -- as the answer, or the worst-case scenario, seems unequal to the benefit gained by conquering whatever hurdle lies before me). At 4:30, I pictured how I'd feel in an hour after my conversation was all over, how relieved I would be and how optimistic and energized I could attack the transition as I marked off steps in the process.

And then I went for it, had a good and mature conversation with my boss, who asked many of the right questions, both personal and professional. In turn, I was able to share more of myself, my future passions, and ways I thought he could improve his business and manage the varied personalities and client issues (albeit from my relatively insulated perspective) in this troubling economy.


Forgetting what lies behind, and the sin that so easily entangles, I press forward...

Job Offer Extended

Probably will accept by the middle of the week once I've read all the fine print...

I think this means my Christmas list will include requests for a seersucker suit and a straw hat ;)

Strength

Something interesting has happened the past couple weeks, which is really pretty cool. I'm reminded of a story in Wild at Heart (probably because I'm moving through the sequel with a group of guys out here) where the author's sons rise to meet the challenge in a time of action. His assessment: their strength was needed, they had been trained, and they delivered.

For the first time in quite some time, I feel myself at a similar convergence....refreshingly, with the desire, ability, and confidence to succeed. Oh, it's probably not going to be tidy (as I stood looking at the boxes in the garage that somehow have to fit in my car), but I finally have aligned myself with something that resonates deep within me.

It's difficult to display strength without confidence, and consequently, I've tried to cultivate confidence quietly and consistently. But there's always that leap of faith. One of those moments was last week, I'll be in the midst of one of those moments over the coming month....and maybe, these are the sort of moments where real living happens. I wonder what life will look like if these moments are chosen carefully and strategically, embraced for the adventure they bring, and are used to advance into new life situations and challenges. What if the recovery period between adventures lasts only days or weeks rather than months or years?

I think I'm about to find out, and it's refreshing to have strength and confidence to call upon...

Job Interview Update

Good feedback, and hopefully a formal offer to follow before the end of the week. I'll write some more here later once I've had time to process everything...

Phone Interview Today

Kind of a big deal -- not an ideal long-term position, but certainly a good short-term position...and it will get me to the ATL...

Vote, and get a cup of coffee

I saw this Starbucks ad on TV tonight, and really liked it. Simple and straightforward, not about coffee. I will probably pick up my free coffee on my way to work tomorrow, feel proud that I voted, and tell at least 5 people that Starbucks is giving coffee away for voting. It's not about selling more units of sugar and calories, it's about positioning the company as a partner in the community and an advocate for positive patriotism.

Mental Toughness

As the frequency of my blog posts might suggest, I haven't exactly been a model of consistency lately. I think the root of the problem traces back to my lack of mental toughness. It's oddly humorous, because progress in one area of life leads to backward steps in another.

Growing up and even into my college years, I operated under the assumption that I was a rational, left-brained individual, seeking the quickest and most efficient path to a goal or through an obstacle. The academic life supported this "deadline-oriented" outlook (procrastination) -- throwing a mountain of effort at a problem, finding a solution, then resting and finding a change of scenery (be that a weekend, a new class subject, semester, etc).

Following graduation, I discovered a couple things: life after college doesn't provide well-marked transitions or regular checkpoints, and I'm far more emotionally wired than I ever realized growing up. This requires a new level of discipline that, frankly, I'm not exactly had much practice in mastering. My challenge is to balance my emotions with determination to move forward in the real-world life settings.

Too many times I burn myself out pushing late into the night on trying to get out to Atlanta, as if I could will my way across the country with an extra hour of research or work. Too many times I get lost in watching television because I've allowed the stresses of my current position to dampen my spirits and drain the strength I need to push to create a new life in a different city.

This balance requires a level of emotional honesty that acknowledges that I'm human and need breaks. I can't burn myself out and crash, because I will always have daily responsibilities. I can't retreat into a cocoon of comfort, because relocation requires pushing the envelope of comfort. At the same time, I need to be intentional and consistent about forging a new path and creating new connections.

So I'm trying a new tactic to increase my emotional, physical, and mental focus, as well as "strategic disengagement" (fancy term courtesy of The Philosophress via a Harvard Business Review article, "The Making of a Corporate Athlete"). I'm trying to schedule focused times where I push myself (running, job applications, etc) and also evenings where I can surf Facebook and read sports stories. The goal is that hopefully I can develop better habits and be more productive when I need to tackle job search responsibilities (networking, email follow-ups, applications, etc).

Recent Thoughts

So The Philosophress went to a workshop on stress and how to maximize
and sustain energy throughout the day. Here are some principles
(third-hand) with my added comments.

"Eat healthy and snack often." Lots of folks like to make fun of the
fact that I make my own sandwiches (I figure the toaster is in the
kitchen for a reason) and buy protein bars by the box at the grocery
store, but it's a great way to keep energy levels from spiking and
crashing throughout the day.

"Fit people need less sleep.". Recently, I certainly know the opposite
to be true. I wrote a post a while back on what a good time investment
the daily run is...maybe I should abide by my own wisdom.

"Develop a healthy mental soundtrack.". The Philosophress has recently
adopted a "no drama" policy, meaning she's trying to limit emotional
responses to irrational people or conversations that are critical
(whether just or unjust). My recent thought process has been "I am a
writer. Therefore, what should I do now?" That still involves working
a banking job each day, but it does change some of the ways I spend my
lunch and evening hours.

***

In short, we only have a limited amount of energy for each day, and
things like stress, multitasking, and worry detract from our
effectiveness for the tasks at hand. Managing short-term energy is
critical to moving toward longer-term goals.

Sports and Politics

I know the two aren't supposed to mix, but apparently a McCain article in Rolling Stone lists Cindy McCain as a former USC cheerleader. I know the rest of the article isn't that flattering, but if true, this is the worst sort of mudslinging there can be...

http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/23316912/makebelieve_maverick/print

Twittering update

So I've figured out a way to Twitter away from my phone and have them post on my Facebook profile. I think that's about as good as I can do for now.

It's kind of nice to provide quick and humorous updates throughout the day, in sort of a between-blog-post fashion.

Weekend Recap

So it's Monday, I'm tired again, but if I don't write some stuff down here, time will keep marching on. This weekend was pretty awesome -- The Philosophress and I got to stay in a six-star resort in Phoenix as part of the BCG recruiting process. I didn't have to miss work and didn't have to deal with jet lag since I didn't leave the Pacific Time Zone.

Aside from sweet food, some familiar faces, and spending time together, there was the Saturday kayaking trip. There were various activities, but I think we hit the jackpot, as we had a two-person inflatable kayak for a downriver 3 mile excursion. As an aside, I think that marriage counselors should set up a nearby tent anywhere there's an activity that requires husband-wife coordination. We quickly learned that we could just float to our destination "Lazy River" style, but others were not so fortunate, running into rocks, low-hanging tree branches, etc.

We were told that there was a chance to see bald eagles and herds of wild mustangs, and sure enough, we hit the jackpot -- the second time this year The Philosophress and I have encountered a bald eagle whilst kayaking. Throw in the overcast day with some intermittent light showers, and it was definitely a relaxing and enjoyable afternoon in the Tonto National Forest.

It was also great to just chill with one of the scoutmaster guides, who was a young guy probably in his early 30s. He also does survival training, so I asked him my best Bear Grylls questions. We also got into some of the crazy things he's heard tourists say through the years, including a lady who would stop paddling, lean waaay over each side of the kayak and peer into the water. When asked what was wrong, she replied, "I'm just trying to see the track this thing's on."

Then there are those who pull their kayaks out of the water, see the buses, and say "Oh great, right back where we started." That's right -- the mysterious circular river.

Or the lady that demanded that the guide "bring the horses back out" because she wanted to see them again.

Some people really need to get outside more often...

~~~

Then Sunday we met up with Lee, Junk, and their ladies as an added ND bonus to cap off the weekend. It was fantastic to see all four of them, and there's some mischief planned, hopefully taking the form of camping in/near the Grand Canyon. I'll be tracking this story with interest, as I'm trying to be a bigger fan of the outdoors and shed the "clean and proper boy" moniker...

Forwarded from The Philosophress...

Running a 5K?

So yesterday I ran my first timed race since I maxxed out on cross-country freshman year. The years have not been kind to me (only somewhat kidding), but I'm fairly pleased I was able to run sub-9 minute mile splits with limited training beforehand.

I do enjoy the social aspect of running with others, I like running early in the day (the weather was perfect: cool and overcast), and the DJs and musicians along the race route kept me entertained.

On Super Bowl Sunday, there's a 5K/Half/Marathon in Huntington Beach. I'm not sure if life is stable enough to start the more intense (running more than a couple days a week, a couple miles at a time) training required for a half marathon.

Twitter-er, or just Twit?

I've joined the ranks of the tweeting, twitterpated, half-wit, dim-wits. To wit, I will be trying things out. If you want to find me, search for my (real) first and last name on Twitter. You can also find Irish Elvis on there too, but I'm not sure what I'm going to do with that...

If I'm going to work with companies and suggest they use Twitter to market and connect with consumers, I'd best be familiar with the medium...

Sadly, No Midwest Trip for me

Well, until this morning there was an outside chance I'd be on campus for the ND-Purdue game, but the combination of procrastination, lack of airline miles, and the industry's general desire for loads of cash keeps in SoCal for the weekend.

No matter, The Philosophress will be out for the weekend with instructions to be an ambassador for both of us and to bring home a W. Welcome her as you would me: with open arms, although with fewer butt slaps, please.

In job seaching news, this means I can be productive this weekend. I don't think I've been this excited about work since I was working in baseball (before the season started -- the "no days off all summer" bit tempered my enthusiasm near the end of things)...

Rolling Downhill?

Well between The Philosophress accepting her job offer and my membership enrollment in a national PR association (and joining the GA chapter), I feel like connections are beginning to get easier. Between the wife's future co-workers, the PR association directory, LinkedIn, Facebook, and the ND Alumni network, I'm able to find connections at lots of places.

Still on the Wish List for personal contacts (ideally, someone with connections to the PR/communications department in) :

Habitat for Humanity
Emory University
Georgia Tech
CARE USA
Carter Center


...and I'd better get to work. I guess my applications for the Atlanta Community Food Bank and the Clean Air Campaign will have to wait until tonight...

Buying Irrationality, Selling Our Future

So this week was pretty crazy, what with everyone and their brother selling off stocks left and right, the US government pumping $180B into worldwide markets and calling on London, China, and Russia to do likewise. We've nationalized the world's largest insurance company (79% of AIG) and made it illegal to short stocks -- at least for the time being.

Panic is a strange thing, as it causes folks to behave nonsensically. Thursday and Friday were big gains in the stock market, but only because the Fed threw tons of money at the problem and said "we're going to make everything ok." If that's what investors are pinning their hopes on, I hope nothing crazy like another hurricane or oil spill or Russian offensive or terrorist attack occurs, because that's the sort of thing the Fed can't control.

$180B certainly helps to keep disaster at bay, but I'm not convinced that some other natural disaster or world event won't destroy investor and consumer confidence. If that happens, then we could be in some interesting times.

In other, more awesome news, The Philosophress accepted her job offer in ATL. This, after all her classmates' i-banking and finance summer internships basically go up in smoke, and along with the fact that the new first-year MBA students won't touch the financial sector with a 10-foot pole, means there's lots of demand for consulting gigs.

Kudos to The Philosophress for going after her passions and what she's good at, and with the added luck that it wasn't in a sector that's going to see some real hard times in the next couple years.

All this to say that I'm about done tap dancing around at the bank. I'm eschewing the "send the resume off into cyberspace and hope some computer doesn't filter me out of the applicant pool" approach to job hunting and instead sending emails and making connections with relevant people in the area. We are solidly in the "it's time for us to be closer and begin reintegrating our lives back together" phase. I definitely want to make it out to the ATL before we hit the "distance is detrimental to personal and relational growth" part of the show.

More details to follow...

Mergered!

So after all the fun we had being acquired by Merrill Lynch in the 3rd quarter last year, apparently someone decided we should try again!

I certainly have a unique perspective of the financial sector right now, and I'm very glad that I'm job searching outside the banking industry, as it doesn't look too optimistic these days. We'll see how the mood is at the office, and I'm sure we'll have conference calls and whatnot today.

Here's my take on the story: last October, Merrill fired their CEO and wrote down a bunch of bad debt and reorganized executive management. The other financial institutions tried to wait things out and hoped the economy would turn around. When it didn't, everyone else started writing off their bad debts, and while Merrill's loans may have been good/quality, when everyone else in the marketplace is selling assets at 30 cents on the dollar, Merrill couldn't keep their assets on the books at full-price.

It's probably a good idea that BofA bought Merrill, because last October Merrill stock was at $75, on Friday it closed at $17. I doubt Merrill would have been able to raise the $40-$50 billion that was the purchase price of the company from external sources.

So now there are 3 main players: Goldman Sachs, Bank of America, and JP Morgan Chase. I think those will stick around, but it should make for some interesting days ahead at work...

Breakroom conversation

So yesterday I'm eating lunch and one of my coworkers came in to ask
me a question. I answered, and then she blurted out, "My Elvis, you
have a huge banana!"

A bit incredulous that such a comment was actually made in the
workplace, I waited for the snickering of others to die down and
replied,

"Well, I don't like to boast, but yes, it is."

I don't need to remind The Philosophress how lucky she is...

Fight-or-Flight Response: In the shop for repairs

So I'm not sure when I realized this, but I think my fight-or-flight response is broken.

I'm not even sure how this all plays out, but usually writing this sort of thing down helps, so bear with me -- this is for my own good.

When I think back to my formative years, and even back in college, I walked around with a sort of innocence. Yes, things would be tough, but the "bubble" was always there in one form or another, and it was always safe. Honestly, I didn't think to test the limits too much, and was not really encouraged to do so. As long as I played nice, life went along smoothly, with enough breaks and laughs sprinkled in.

Fast forward to now. Living on the West Coast, The Philosophress on the East Coast, and I want to make it out to ATL post-haste. I really don't think I've been as firmly resolute about anything as moving to the East Coast -- so many quality of life improvements, the promise of adventure, a fresh start, and transitioning back into an industry where my passions reside.

The problem is, I've never developed the muscles required to push and struggle against "the flow," and inertia certainly isn't nudging me eastward. I know that it requires effort and persistence, yet there's still some mental roadblock that keeps me from moving forward with greater enthusiasm.

It would be easier if the job hunt was like writing a school paper: turn in your best work by x date and you'll either get an awesome, mediocre, or dull offer letter. I'd like to think I'd work to the deadline something fierce, probably up to (or beyond) the point of exhaustion, and then crash afterwards and recuperate for whatever came next.

But that's the thing about real life: there aren't too many deadlines for personal growth. There aren't really any formulas. I talk to one person over here, apply to that job over there, and if the two are at all related, I might stand a better shot.

In the meantime, I'm finding it increasingly difficult to focus over long periods of time to grind away and be responsible. I keep telling people I'm making progress, I keep applying for jobs, I keep emailing potential contacts...but when is it ever enough?

The desire to move cross-country (again!) is not insignificant, especially given the fallout that happened the last time around. The Philosophress sympathized earlier today that I've basically been job-hunting for the past 5 years, and I imagine that's part of the grind.

But what of this missing fight-or-flight response? If SoCal is so bad, shouldn't that be motivation enough to get out? If ATL presents so many growth opportunities, that should provide an adequate finish line...

Instead, complacency and mediocrity persist -- I'm not fully caring to invest in new relationships or career advancement in my current job in CA, and the frustration is not significant enough to induce action.

What is it exactly that I'm afraid of? Why won't I fight inaction? I enjoy adventure on the small scale -- weekend adventures, unscripted explorations, new experiences -- what is so paralyzing about adventure and relocation on a grander scale?

I used to think that my current job was wearing me out, that I needed to work less so I could devote more of my limited energy to the job search. I'm beginning to wonder if the challenge of changing industries and geographies is what is so physically exhausting.

Why would my energy level take a hit when I think of due diligence on the job search? Developing relationships are good -- I'm going to need those. It's not like I have much to cling onto here in CA -- I feel fragmented, with a long-distance relationship and a job where I can't fully utilize my natural strengths. Why do I shrink back from pursuing the very thing that would be a huge mile-marker on the path to a more unified, coherent, and transparent life?

I think it's the pursuit without an fixed end point that is so demoralizing. But what is it that I need, really? A gold star and a hearty handshake for each phone call I make to a networking contact? The elements of a job search aren't all that complex, really. Establishing relationships, writing emails, demonstrating aptitude and talking about my passions like writing and communicating. If I can't do this on my own time and for my own benefit, can I really expect to be able to flip that switch once a new job does roll around?

I'm just trying to sort through my thoughts and determine what's influencing my actions. If something is broken/missing, I'd much rather hash it out now before the whirlwind of a new job/environment is imminent.

Bar Food

It was either that or the El Pollo Loco that laid me low with food poisoning yesterday. Good times. Here's to my renewed desire to cook for myself more often...

Morning Run

How's this for motivation? After running just once in the last several weeks (I think The Philosophress could tell), I dropped into the canyon trail yesterday just in front of a girls' high school cross-country team.

Nothing like the threat of a little humiliation to pick up the pace. Although it wasn't pretty, they never did pass me. I'd like to think it was the view they had from behind me that left them breathless....

Validation

In a very cool way, my last week with The Philosophress served as a validation of sorts for each one of us. Because we are apart, it's sometimes difficult for me to measure my own personal progress and I tend to get discouraged. Being with The Philosophress reminds me how I handle situations differently now than when we were both still in California, and it's so refreshing to realize the positive growth that's taken place. And in spite of the distance, I really feel more complete and myself when I'm around her with other people -- I can be fully engaged and really play off of all the good parts of me that she brings out.

This phenomenon is not lost on her, either. After I helped out (in a small way) with her big responsibilities with a welcome day for many of the first-year MBAers, she said she felt people treating her differently (better) after seeing us together. I guess I can understand how others might traditionally react to a woman in b-school with an off-location husband -- especially one as far away as I am. The rigors of grad school and deadlines require certain types of behavior, but she is so much more than a serious student. I actually like coming in to play a little bit of the comic relief -- I can see some of her stress roll away when I remember that life doesn't have to be so serious and act accordingly. I know that I do everything I can to be outgoing, personable, wryly humorous, and engaging with others I encounter because that reflects well on her and the type of people she values. It's hard to play both serious student and comic relief all by oneself, even though she definitely has both of those elements in her personality.

It is a validation to ourselves and to others as to why this marriage makes sense. Even though life circumstances aren't ideal, I certainly am held in higher esteem because of the amazing determination and focus The Philosophress demonstrates. I'm able to show that she values lightheartedness, culture, and outside-the-box thinking when I'm present to show myself and the confidence and care for her.

Just good things to remember as we move toward reintegration and life together again in a new place...

Four Years

So last week The Philosophress and I did some advance anniversary celebrating, which was definitely nice. Four years seems about the right amount of time to encapsulate all the craziness that has transpired in life -- I'm definitely a fan of the recent good times that helps the stress recede into the background!

We also played a game predicting aspects of our life 4 years from now, an interesting exercise given all the shenanigans we've been up to recently. Things like countries visited, languages learned, and triathlons run, along with the acquisition of children (?), pets, and friendships.

Feel free to add your thoughts in the comments: where will we be in four years (hopefully living under the same roof!) and what will life look like?

All in all, I'm pretty stoked to be married to The Philosophress, and really glad we can take the tough lessons learned and apply them to the next four years of life -- and that *definitely* has me smiling today!

Sign at the entrance to I-40 in Wilmington, NC

Barstow, CA: 2556 miles

Asking the Right Questions

I'm finding one of the marks of Good People is the ability to ask the right questions. I suppose this arises from my own acknowledgment that I don't always do so myself. I've spent considerable time in the past trying to play by the rules of others, subsequently finding my own individuality and creativity squeezed out in the process. The Philosophress and I tend to demonstrate our individuality in non-traditional ways (maybe she even moreso than I!). As such, I'm aware of the metaphorical stares of others. While prejudged comments are discouraging, it is even more refreshing to encounter those who want to know the stories and thoughts behind the sometimes curious actions.

A couple weeks ago, I was on the phone with one of my good friends, recounting The Philosophress' full-time consulting job offer. His question was fantastic: "I know she wants to get involved with non-profits at some point -- does this help her achieve that ultimate goal, or has she shifted her focus?" This enabled me to dive into her vision of understanding business principles and high-level organizations so that she can connect non-profits with networks of resources (organizations, funding, manpower, etc) to maximize impact. A conversation with another acquaintance did not go so well. "Ah, the lucrative option," he says, giving a smirk and a knowing nod when informed The Philosophress is working toward her MBA. Such a comment is a powerful (and unfortunate) indicator of someone who has career paths presorted in neat categories, and the Big Bad Business World is where all materialistic folks go to keep one another company.

The life lesson for me to remember in all of this is that we must be true to ourselves. If others understand and want to remain involved, so much the better. For those that do not or cannot think outside the box, we must not be deterred from living truly and authentically. It will probably not always go as planned, but I don't want to take the easy road in attempts to avoid unseen mishaps -- those have a way of popping up regardless.

Overheard Tonight

The Philosophress: "Iran and Afghanistan and now Putin? Where do these guys come from?"

The Brother of The Philosophress: "Well you see, when a daddy terrorist loves a mommy terrorist very much..."

Sabellian Union in Revue

So this past weekend we had the distinct privilege of witnessing the Sabellian wedding in Salem, OR. The groom was about as stressed as I'd seen him, so we set about lightening the mood and trying to get things done. I actually got to craft the first couple hours of the reception playlist, something I wish I'd had time to do for our wedding -- there's something satisfyingly organic about having one Apple laptop running the music, another projecting the photo slideshow, and a third displaying the photographer's pictures. Then it was off to the tux shop to get looking swanky. Jeremy's Nicaraguan groomsmen in particular were wondering how his "tame" ND friends would act during the weekend, but Dr. Kline and I quickly allayed their fears. The Good Doctor arrived with numerous black afro wigs so the Sabellian would feel right at home. We unveiled them during Friday's dinner, much to the delight of family and friends gathered. I like to think this was a great stress reliever for The Sabellian -- those who've been in (or near) weddings know how daunting the details become, and that was our way of giving everyone notice that the dudes were here and the Man was henceforward unavailable to answer questions on floral arrangements and other detritus. Of course, I had to explain to his family this was kind repayment for how he rolled up to my wedding weekend -- fu manchu, hair slicked into a pony tail, wife-beater with gold chains, and painter's paints.

The bachelor party was full of mischief, beginning with shotgunning Rockstars and bowling -- wigs make a fantastic bowling prop. I did my best to come up with creative bowling names, and one of the other groomsmen bought a shot for Jeremy, inducing a coughing fit. Not the best moment for our man, but then again, he was the only one who had an *actual* 'fro, so I guess the joke's on us. After a couple games we headed out, but not before the guy behind the check-in counter at the bowling alley recommended the "Glow Worm Lounge [or some similar nonsense] and ask for a girl named Sparkle." Nothing like an awkward moment with the bowling guy, telling him that's not how we roll.

Dr. Kline definitely overachieved with the post-bowling portion of the evening, providing a pinata filled with candy and other "goodies" (my personal favorite were the fishnet stockings). He even gave a short speech about how the Sabellian had found "his treasure" and something about "booty." In true manly fashion, we opted against a broomstick, instead extracting a rough-hewn plank from a nearby construction site.

We then rolled to a bar for another round of drinks, where the brother of the bride was informed that his temporary driver's license (issued by the DMV) was an unacceptable form of ID. After numerous go-arounds with management, he cruised home and returned with his actual birth certificate, which strangely convinced them he was legal to drink.

Saturday morning was pretty fantastic, when The Philosophress and I spend a good long breakfast with Dr. and Mrs. Kline. Said breakfast was punctuated with a frantic phone call from Rampolla convinced he was going to be late for the noon wedding. Boy, was he relieved when I said it started at 4p. On the way out of breakfast, we came across a mild traffic accident across from a Harley-Davidson dealership, where a new motorcycle owner (apparently) gunned her bike, crossing all lanes of traffic and cruising right through a chain link fence and into an abandoned parcel of land. Of course, Dr. Kline jumps out of the car to investigate, even before the paramedics arrived. He was in a bit of unfamiliar territory, as there were no gunshot wounds or drug addicts to treat, and everyone seemed to be ok.

While I admittedly have had limited contact with the bride's family and friends, apparently she was in a traveling choir and has a history with Canadians (may have lived there, or maybe just went to college with a bunch many from the Great White North). After the ceremony, they asked us for a couple traits used to describe Jeremy, then sang them at the reception to the tune of an upbeat Negro Spiritual. The basic jist was all the quirky characteristics from each parent that their children would manifest. While the bride got the "sugar, spice, and everything nice" treatment, they sang about our boy's height-deficiencies, love of languages, studying Augustine, and general swarthiness. I was most impressed with the four-part harmony, using jokes we had provided just 30 minutes prior. It was a fantastic reminder of what happens when good and talented people come together in celebration.

Then, on to the dancing. The FOTB has one dance: the Mashed Potato. I think still pictures exist, but it is in true Sabellian fashion. Rampolla and I taught the women to swing dance (hint: spin around and laugh), and there was much dancing to 70s disco in wigs.

As far as weddings go, it is always a good time for celebration. Mentally and emotionally for me at least, it helps that The Philosophress and I have progressed through some rough waters with enough perspective to contribute to the weekend and enjoy catching up with others and share good stories.

Good Day or Bad Day?

How's this for some Friday drama? The Philosophress finishes her summer internship today, at which point the company makes offers to those it wants to hire full-time following graduation next spring (and not everyone is offered).

The fantastic news is that she's one of the lucky ones! Of course, this comes as no surprise to many of us, but this summer has definitely been a (good) stretch and a growing experience. Time and many discussions will tell if this is the best option for us after graduation, but for now, I'm excited and relieved to have a celebratory weekend!

Oh, and we're both in Oregon ensuring the Sabellian gets hitched. Cue the hilarity in 5....4....3....

Somewhere in Santa Monica

Such a lovely place...

Earthquake

Just had an earthquake out here - a 5.8 about 33 miles away.
Everything's cool over here, so I'm going to get back to work...

Socrates

"Wisdom begins in wonder."

-- Socrates

Existing Job Update

This is an interesting time to be working in the financial sector. I'm fortunate that (at this moment) our company, our bank, and our team are all strong financially. I remember in the fifth or sixth grade I did a report on the Great Depression (yes, I am a nerd) and had trouble comprehending exactly why stockbrokers were jumping out of windows on Wall Street. I'm not sure if I know that answer, but I can see many similar trends existing in today's economy. Let's hope things turn around in the near future.

I'm not an expert on any of this stuff, so please don’t use my anecdotal observations to influence your financial decisions - I'm not that well-qualified.


The first motivator in this economy is fear. Fear makes us do many things that ordinarily (or in hindsight) would be labeled overreactions. Most recently, IndyMac Bank here in L.A. defaulted and had to be taken over by the Federal government. Lines are stretching around the block for people trying to get their money back.

I have news for you people: the outcome has already been decided. If you have less than $100k in checking/savings accounts, why would you waste hours of your life in line? A lack of understanding of the rules and regulations leads to irrational activity. The government has your back, and you can draw on it anytime you wish. Your accounts at (now) IndyMac Federal Bank are guaranteed. It’s business as usual. Waiting in line won’t change much.

On the other hand, it’s ridiculous how the “big” financial players can change things immensely. I recently read an article in Fortune Magazine that Bear Stearns went belly up when an internal email circulated around Goldman Sachs that GS wouldn’t extend any new lines of credit for Bear Stearns. Once this vote of “no confidence” got out, no one had any confidence in Bear Stearns and all their clients pulled their investments. Again, the Fed (with the help of JP Morgan) stepped in and buoyed Bear Stearns stock price.


On the other hand, I'm a little concerned with the “talking points” that have been circulating our email boxes -- for internal use only, of course. Even before these "reassuring" emails I was pretty confident in our bank's position, but actual facts only go so far because of the fearfulness and irrationality displayed these days. One wrong word by a so-called “analyst” can turn the public tide of perception. While many folks are moving their money to our bank (due to our solid reputation and performance), one of our bank clients wants to move their investments away from our bank and into Fidelity. Only problem is, they’re both managed by the same brokerage clearinghouse, Pershing. It’s like worrying that Chevrolet will stop manufacturing cars, so you go out and buy a Cadillac -- they’re both General Motors, and if you’re that concerned, you might want to do your homework first.

Even though our bank’s position is healthy, I wonder how many other, less fiscally sound institutions around the country are circulating similar “talking points” to their front-line folks while the suits sit in board rooms and discuss how to sell off divisions and raise capital through foreign investment. It reeks of disingenuity, and I’m not a fan of bank tellers playing the part of PR specialists.



The last reason why this all matters? People are holding on so tightly to their stuff. Whether that stuff is their cash, or their houses (remember those sub-prime mortgages?), or their job security, or their retirement, they’re trying to cheat disaster. I'm oddly thankful that I'm searching for a new job right now, because if (heaven forbid) something crazy goes down I'm already establishing my network for a new position. I want to invest in people more than “stuff” so that I don’t start swearing if investments or company stock prices tank (you should hear some of the women around the office these last several months!).

The successful people are those who value personal relationships. There are many folks at Bear Stearns who just took their existing clients (and their investments) to Citi or JP Morgan or Goldman Sachs because they were heading there anyway. Lo and behold, when those firms needed extra brokers to handle all their new accounts, these brokers had a new job and all their same clients.

Maybe I'm just inherently skeptical, but I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket. While my job is good, with good coworkers and good pay, I know if one (or several) of our clients get hairbrained ideas and start walking, someone’s job is in trouble. But I want to continue building my relationships with people -- in good times and bad, quality relationships yield good results!

Fyodor Dostoevsky

"Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys.
If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has
enough happiness provided for it."

-- Fyodor Dostoevsky

When the Director tries to be a bit character

My mind works in silly ways sometimes.

I'm not entirely certain why, but I have to remind myself repeatedly that I need to take a leadership role in positively affecting my circumstances. It's like I'm a bit character in a play, and I'm a bit frustrated with my small role. Oh, how my heart would soar if I was promoted to a larger part -- I would learn my lines, capture the essence of the main character...

and then I look at the Director's chair, and my name is on it.

Rather than portray a flat character in a minor role, I have the ability and power to change the scenery, alter the players, switch up the music...heck, I can start writing another whole script!

And yet, here I sit - a part of me holding back. What exactly is it that I'm afraid of? Fear itself? What is so unconquerable? What other skills or talents am I missing to make a successful transition? None that I'm aware of.

What's more appalling, I want to congratulate myself for properly enunciating my one line in the scene...when I should be Directing another play altogether. There is still a large portion of myself that clings unwaveringly to "safe and easy" - and I'd like to jettison the part of myself that values comfort, because laziness quickly crowds out the chance for growth and change.

Public transit, take one

So I'm actually on a bus here in Southern California, which is quite a
big deal given the suburban nature of things out here. We'll see how
this goes, but experiencing the beauty of public transit in Boston and
$4.50 gas is prompting some behavioral change for this guy. It gets me
out of the house early, and I have to walk a mile or so to the office.
But I don't have to concern myself with crazy drivers, leaving my mind
free to think and write -- a good tradeoff, I hope.

Memorable Weekend

Some reflections on my time in Boston that made it one of the best
weekends in many moons:

The "Star-Spangled Banner". My sole requirement factor for performing
this in public is the goosebump factor. There are many ways to
accomplish this, and Boston nailed it...God did His part by throwing
up a full palatte of sunset colors over the Charles River, the Boston
Pops provided the appropriate orchestral accompaniment, and the song's
crescendo was punctuated by a pair of F-18 jets cruising by low and
loud with their afterburners blazing.

It was good to see The Sabellian and send him off to Portland to
prepare for the wedding. It was fantastic having good conversations on
life, vocation, intermediate career steps, passions, independence and
sacrifice within marriage, wedding preparation, and community -- all
while standing outside of a swanky retail storefront in an upscale
part of downtown, commenting on plastic surgery on passersby and
watching while a couple guys threw the frisbee in the street,
occasionally hitting parked cars.

The sheer magnitude of the fireworks we're pretty astounding. Aside
from the various "I've never seen these type of fireworks before", the
night sky was so illuminated that it required concentrating with your
peripheral vision to absorb the entirety of the performance. It was
like watching one of those group dance numbers at the theatre, only
this stage stretched from the horizon to directly overhead.

The surrounding crowd enjoyment was equally pleasant. Sitting for nine
hours could have been grueling, but we passed the time admirably,
taking turns shopping, people-watching, grazing, conversing, inviting
friends-of-friends to drop by, and listening to the All-American music
soundtrack played throughout the Esplanade. When the Pops played
"Shipping Up to Boston," we we're fortunate to have an Irish dancer
just a few picnic blankets away who danced along for a little while.

While the big firework blowout was on the 4th, The Sabellians'
neighborhood does their big celebration on the evening of the 3rd (as
they say, "before all the tourists roll into town"). Although this
tourist arrived after much of the festivities died down, there was
still signs of merriment, with bonfires aplenty, bongo drums,
spontaneous dancing, and (yes!) a didgeridoo. Nature shuts down the
party around midnight with the incoming tide, extinguishing the fires
and coaxing everyone off the beach.

Of course, no weekend is complete without someone chiming in with some
crazy statistic or quip. It was The Philosophress' turn this time
around, having just read an article that found a chemical in
watermelon could be considered "the poor man's Viagra." Naturally,
that became the running joke in the Sabellian household, prompting Dad
Sabellian to question Mom Sabellian about her choice of vitamin
supplements - labeled "male performance formula" with a picture of the
male pectoral area. A closer inspection of the printed warning
included "do not take while pregnant". If you're confused, so were we.
Suffice to say, I think watermelon will be somehow involved in The
Sabellian's bachelor festivities next month.

Lastly, no great weekend is complete without highlighting the
awesomeness of The Philosophress. Last night, we took one of the last
trains out of the city, and she provided the iPod soundtrack. When the
rest of the subway car emptied 2 stops before ours, that left plenty
of space for me to request a dance. Even with everything mentioned
above, I think the highlight of my weekend was sharing a dance and a
pair of headphones with The Philosophress, singing in an empty subway
car sometime after midnight.

Viktor Frankl

"What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for a worthwhile goal, a freely chosen task."

-- Viktor Frankl

Into the Wild

"The human soul thrives on new experiences."

-- from the movie, Into the Wild

Central tenet of the Sabellian School of Finance

"Always, always borrow against the power of your future earning potential."

-- The Sabellian

Blast from the Past

So this is a bit dated, but I went swing dancing a couple weekends ago
for the first time in a *long* time. One of the guys in my small group
was going, and I figured these sorts of things are better as a group.

I realized a couple things about myself, and probably about life in
general. Dancing is less about technical skill and more about
enjoyment. I can still remember some fancy turns and such, but I found
myself not connecting with soul of the music and the moment -
literally just going through the motions.

The thing was, nobody else cared if I was on rhythm, but it was a tad
awkward when I was overly apologetic. I quickly learned that most
missteps were easily overlooked with a wink and a sly grin -- one of
those "that was interesting, but I probably won't try that again"
moments.

The last time I danced regularly, I always took pride that I was on
top of my game. Strong, confident, and in control, I felt the rhythm
of the music.

Something happened between then and now, or rather, many things. I
cannot return to the place of innocence, where there was no failure.
Confidence without failure or hardship - what sort of emotion is that?
But while it is hard to feel the music, at least I can still hear it
- and while I no longer can execute flawless and intricate moves, I
need to become more proficient at learning how to smile at my flaws
while still connecting and working with others.

Shipping up to Boston

So I'm in the terminal at LAX, and this mo-blogging thing is pretty
cool. I've realized that airline sevice/atmosphere resembles less
luxury travel and more European train station these days: decreased
service/baggage, more cattle-car feel. Not sure if that's good or bad,
just a change from the way travel's been done in this country, in my
experience.

Also, I've made more than one person at work feel sheepish when
discussing weekend plans. The "what are you up to?" question is
usually met with "well, I think we're going to BBQ, maybe sit by the
pool." Instead I throw out "Oh, I'm spending the weekend in Plymouth
and Boston," which is followed by awkward silence. Yes, coworker, I'm
more All-American than you, returning to the hometown of the first
ancestors to celebrate our nation's independence (even if they aren't
necessarily *my* ancestors).

Stay tuned to see how this experience stacks up against New Year's Eve
in Times Square. The Philosophress will be reprising her role as the
attractive ingenue, and the Sabellian will again play the swarthy, if
not more learned, foil to my dashing good looks and rapier wit.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Men are born to write… Whatever he beholds or experiences, comes to him as a model and sits for its picture. He counts it all nonsense that they say, that some things are undescribable. He believes that all that can be thought can be written, first or last; and he would report the Holy Ghost, or attempt it. Nothing so broad, so subtle, or so dear, but comes therefore commended to his pen, and he will write. In his eyes, a man is the faculty of reporting, and the universe is the possibility of being reported."

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

(I think I like this guy more now than when I read him in sophomore English class...)

How Elvis Got His Groove Back

So my three weeks of forming daily blogging, running, and praying habits are complete, and I must say, I'm fairly pleased with the results. I've managed to keep up with the rest of life (relatively speaking) while building in some solid routines that enrich both myself and, I hope, others.

Last night, after several days of agony and writer's block, I finally broke through and made some pretty sweet progress on a writing project with a looming deadline. It's been quite a while since I've had any sort of writing project that required effort and creativity, and probably even longer since I've had the consistent drive to push against the obstacles and see things through to completion.

No time to rest though -- I have another editing project due by midweek, this time for a print publication for our church. I'm looking forward to this one as well, as it requires me to give "big picture" advise to writers and really shape the voice of personal stories.

And then off to Boston for Independence Weekend! I'm pumped for this - and I'm such a nerd to the point that I scrounged and found a pair of seersucker shorts at Ross this weekend (when on the East Coast, dress for Martha's Vineyard and get ready to talk about sailing). Since I'm now equipped with a Blackberry, I should be able to snap off some shorter reflections while I'm gone.

Next week, I'll be back and list my habits I'll be working on for the month of July.

Actual Scene from this evening

As I stand outside the front doors of a movie theatre tonight, a middle-aged man driving a white pickup truck pulls up to the front steps.

Driver (yelling out the window): What's this movie Wall-E?

Ticket-taker at the front door: It's a cartoon movie about a robot.

Driver: Ok, thanks.

(driver peels out of the parking lot and drives away)


California -- what a special place!

A Little Less Conversation

So a couple weeks ago I sent The Philosophress an audio clip of "A Little Less Conversation" to set as her ringtone for when I call. She's been super-busy lately, so I didn't really expect that to be a high priority, but thought it would be good for a laugh.

Last night, I crashed pretty early (see previous blog entry) but decided to give her a call. She picks up the phone and, singing along with the song, says,"C'mon baby, I'm tired of talking" but in my semi-conscious mental state, I presumed she was telling me she had to work and couldn't chat. Needless to say, The Philosophress should have gotten style points for singing and humor -- and I missed it...good times!

Eustress

Not the opposite of stress, just the good kind of stress. I was reading this good article on the Zen Habits website, and there are lots of good suggestions here.

I'm currently focusing on finding the right level of eustress without venturing into "overwhelm" territory. It's a good juggling act, as this weekend I need to do a couple writing projects, find a dishwasher repairman, locate a reasonably-priced housekeeper, and start packing for a weekend in Boston.

Maybe that's why my body decided to fall asleep last night at 7:30...

P.S.: I'm also considering signing up for Twitter - anyone around here have strong feelings/experiences one way or the other?

Crazy Day Today

Couple after work meetings - one to be the volunteer editor of a church newsprint publication, one with a peer counselor. Should be a good evening, but will make for a long day...oddly enough, my pending move could hinder my chances at the editor spot, but it's not like I have recruiters blowing up my phone wanting to schedule interviews...

Everybody's Working for the Week

So for whatever reason, trouble seems to find me more on the weekends than during the week. I'm not sure if it's the built in structure of the workday that forces me to focus, but I've actually been dreading going into the last couple weekends (maybe "dreading" is too strong...maybe "hesitant" is better).

One of my misconceptions that I'm currently working to overcome is focusing on "free time" as a goal. Free time that's unstructured and unbounded is no good -- I get nothing productive accomplished. Lately, I've been forcing myself into healthy situations (new habits) and saying to myself, "This is what you *want* to do, Self." There have been too many unhealthy voices in my noggin recently, and instead I'm putting myself into situations where I have to think/write creatively. What's healthiest for me in the medium- and long-term are not the desires that are barking the loudest these days.

There's a theory that schoolchildren live up to the expectations and labels assigned to them, so I'd appreciate it if everyone can treat me like I live in Atlanta, have a good writing job, and am a good spiritual leader and husband!

Simplistic Elegance

Compounding Time

One of the reasons why I'm trying to build up a couple good habits is because I've been kicking around the idea of Compounding Time in my noggin. Much like financial investing, we have limited resources, and paying out $100 of surplus funds now to get $150 in a year is just good business sense.

With time, everyone has a fixed amount, and I've realized carving out surplus time to run each morning yields return of 200% (or more), which right now is a better investment than any stock is currently offering.

Follow me on this: I spend 30 minutes running, which requires me wake up on time and gets my blood flowing. I then have to eat (a healthy) breakfast, since my body is craving nutrition. Even if I cruise into work a few minutes later, my mind/body is fully awake and ready to work. I can focus better, and therefore be more productive at work. That leaves my evening free to look for jobs online, write cover letters, catch up with folks, blog, or even veg out in front of the TV (the antithesis of Compounding Time -- a habit to break at some point in the future!) before heading to bed at a decent hour.

So of this 30 minutes I "sacrifice" at 7am, I get back a minimum of 30 minutes in additional efficiency at work, and another 30 minutes by the end of the day by either continuing the practice of efficient productivity or just "recharging." And unlike financial investments, I don't have to wait a year or until retirement to reap the benefits.

So what small change can help you compound your time? It doesn't have to be something athletic -- as I mentioned earlier, I'm going to give public transit a try, which will give me time to think/brainstorm instead of fend off irate drivers for 30-60 minutes each day.

Real Quick-like

This whole blogging/running/praying thing doesn't leave me much time to procrastinate...which means when I do, I have to write fast (like now).

So The Philosophress is spending the weekend in Puerto Rico, which is where they do their best team-building exercises. Anyhoo, she enters her hotel room to find her bed covered in rose petals, with an accompanying note addressed to Henry.

While I tried to take credit for the rose petals, the truth was apparently "Henry" and his special companion opted for a room that had something other than two twin beds, and they neglected to take their flowers with them...

But Before I Go

Man, this blogging daily thing is killing me!

Couple things though...interesting article here about how the fear we feel is equal to the resistance required to achieve a desired goal. We should take this fear as validation that the goal is worth pursuing -- if the goal meant nothing, there would be no apprehension.

Right now I'm running up against the fear of networking and putting in the time to establish relationships. One of these days (this weekend?) I'm going to have to get stuff squared away with my online stuff and then jump in with both feet.

I'm also working on a couple small ongoing projects, creating master communications plans for our local ND club and also for a small non-profit. I'm still trying to get graphic design/layout software installed on my computer...for whatever reason the pirated version has some bugs and it's difficult to load...

Pauline Wisdom

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

-- from 1 Corinthians 9


So I don't think I understood the purely physical implications of Paul's message until I started running. I'm finishing Day 9 of my habit training (run, write, pray) and this weekend I realized the value of habits. This weekend, I had nothing (pleasant) to look forward to other than spending time with the fam. I decided to take a day off of running, but spent the rest of the weekend dreading various events, procrastinating, and generally squirreling away the hours. Come Monday, I was thankful to be back in a routine that forced me to be productive.

I always envisioned "free time" as the goal or ideal, but now I'm beginning to see too much unstructured time as a sort of Siren Song that sucks me in. I need breaks where I can be creative and let down my guard, but I need a shell of structure that keeps my mind and body alert and moving forward. Otherwise, I'll just spend hours watching television until that wears me out and I need a nap. If I'm going to grab a Saturday afternoon nap, it at least feels more productive if I've been out for a morning jog in the canyon.

And I want to start taking public transit to work (www.irvineshuttle.net), but the experts say only build one habit at a time and I'm already trying to build three habits, so bus schedules will have to wait until July (when gas hits $5/gallon, no doubt).

Dr. Seuss

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't
matter and those who matter don't mind."

-- Dr. Seuss

Matthew Arnold

"Resolve to be thyself: and know, that he who finds himself, loses his misery. "

-- Matthew Arnold

My First GPS Experience

So yesterday I got to try out my BlackBerry's GPS capabilities along with Google's map feature, and I must say, I'm pretty impressed. We were on our way to a work lunch, and my boss was having trouble with his onboard navigation. After listening to several minutes of frustration, I figured I'd tool around in the back seat and see if I could come up with something helpful. I hadn't used this feature before, but it was pretty intuitive. The Google map feature triangulated my approximate position based on cell phone towers, then gave me turn-by-turn directions to the restaurant. To be fair, Google thought the destination was on the opposite side of the street, but nobody's perfect.

This is especially reassuring for those of us who don't have much of a sense of direction, and who tend to leave the house before realizing they don't *really* know they're lost until it's too late. It turns out there is a price tag for peace of mind (in this case), and it's the cost of a monthly data plan.

Running Uphill

Ugh, today is the first day this week that my body has resisted the idea of running before work. I'm going to try and make it happen, and hopefully this "mind over body" experiment will continue happily. Maybe my grouchiness has something to do with the cat meowling as I tried to fall asleep this morning, and being awakened by same cat (and same meowling) this morning...

Napoleon Bonaparte

“Never ascribe to malice that which can be explained by incompetence”

-- Napoleon Bonaparte

Taking Home to Work

Much has been said about work-life balance, and for a while I was
trying to separate those two spheres of my life. Now that things are
more settled, I'm trying my hand at the reintegration process. While
I'm looking for a full-time job in the right place that caters to my
natural skills, I now have a cool little phone where I can email,
chat, and post blog entries throughout the day. Technology is pretty
cool sometimes, and I have the added benefit of getting out in the sun
for lunch. Of course, I think I'm adding to the "crackberry" addiction
stereotypes if I'm standing outside typing next to the smokers taking
their outdoor breaks...

Aural Perfection

Unbelievable.

We have our church small group at our leader's office, and he happens to install high end audio & video equipment in homes. We had several guys who couldn't make it tonight, so we opted to watch the Laker game in his demonstration theatre.

But the real treat was the new speaker system he unboxed today from Steinway Lyngdorf. I was ignorant until today, but no longer. Yes, the folks who make the best pianos are now making speakers. For quality comparison, Bang & Olufson are the Honda Civic to Steinway's Ferrari.

While I'm sure there are technical and scientific reasons for their excellence, my ears don't need further convincing. After listening, I feel like I need to bring my entire musical collection next week, because my ears tell me I haven't *really* heard my songs until they've been played through these speakers.

The quality is simply stunning -- they perform at the highest quality when listening to a Steinway (of course). A full orchestra piece feels like you're 5 rows from the pit, only you don't have to worry about the percussion being slow on the down beats or the violin bows not being fully rosined, and the music ebbs and flows at the conductor's bidding, with the instruments properly layered and blended perfectly together, with nothing lost.

I got control of the remote, and flipped seamlessly from AC/DC to B.B. King to Jay-Z. We played a little Carlos Santana, and I think I got a contact high just from being in such a realistic atmosphere. Good thing we didn't play any Marvin Gaye or Barry White, or my clothes would have spontaneously fallen off my body.

These speakers will fill any room, and there are no dead spots -- the sound arrives at your ears at the same moment no matter where I stood. Some people have a room for shoes, Nigel Tufnel has a room full of guitars (even Spinal Tap sounded good on these things!) -- I would seriously have an empty room with a chair and these speakers, and I could sit for hours each day and just listen. My ears dissect and analyze music the way some can deconstruct wine, and words cannot describe the incredible quality.

Retail price: $188k

21-Day Boot Camp

So this weekend's message at church was: Plan A- Pray. Plan B- Pray. Plan C- Pray. Fairly simple. I figure there are a couple things I need to do each day: pray before I go to sleep (a good place to start), run (picture me wheezing through 1.5 miles every morning...good times!) and blog (if I'm a writer, I should be writing every day).

So by July 4th weekend, I'll have these 3 habits down -- I'll keep you posted on my progress...

Sensible Laws

So at the end of the month it will be illegal to use cell phones while
driving without a headset. Dialing and texting are still
permitted...faaaantastic!

Standing My Ground

So yesterday I had a longer conversation with my grandmother. I won't weigh down everyone by rehashing specifics, but at the conclusion of the conversation my initial thoughts were reinforced. It may just be age-related (and if that's the case, I don't want to become more inflexible with my opinions over time), but grandmother sees my actions and my relationship with The Philosophress through the viewpoint of "this is how things have always been done" and "no one I've ever known does things like this." All of that is fine, but then she has the additional expectation that we're obligated to explain everything to her and play "convince the skeptic" every six months or so.

The good news about these last couple years is that I've learned the value of my own individuality -- and I usually resist a course of action if the best argument is "this is how things have always been done." At the same time, when I spend a considerable amount of time thinking and discussing with my inner circle and decide on a course of action that puts me in the minority, those who come in after the fact and say "why aren't you acting like everybody else?" don't really get a vote.

A couple revelations for me from this conversation yesterday: People who are imprisoned by "should" and "have to" will always be mystified by decisions underpinned by "This is who I am and this is what I want to do." There was a season in my life where I fell into the former camp, but we are (successfully, if sometimes inconsistently) navigating our way through the "want to" camp these days. There's a whole adventure that arises when we decide we want to do something -- I feel like a trailblazer who's pushing the envelope of what's known and accepted. I'd rather do something authentic, yet imperfect, than stay comfortable and wonder why I'm bored.

As seen in the Library of Congress

"They are never alone that are accompanied by noble thoughts."

Birthday Musings

So I don't know exactly why, but birthdays have always felt a little bizarre to me. I tried to take a different approach this year, with some measure of success.

I've always been a bit self-conscious about my birthday, and I'm not sure if it's that I felt the need to "play nice" for the family growing up, or if a summer birthday means I was never socialized like the other kids who had birthdays during the school year. Like an uber-nerd, I hid my birthday on Facebook last year so I wouldn't get random wall posts from people I only hear from once a year.

Oddly, with The Philosophress and the rest of my family out of town (for varying reasons), I decided to try and treat my birthday the way everyone else treats theirs. I fielded numerous phone calls, went to lunch with coworkers, and splurged and got myself a new phone (meeting a dire need!).

So for those of you who remembered to call, and even for those of you who didn't/couldn't/forgot...I appreciate our conversations the other 364 days just as much :)

Deja Vu

So The Philosophress is back (yes, back) in Atlanta after spending 2 days training in Boston. I am reminded of the last paragraph in this post where I mentioned her voice sounded different on the phone. Well, we're at that place again. I don't know what it is, but every time she (we) make a positive incremental change in life, I can hear it in her voice immediately. Last year, she hadn't even pulled up to her apartment complex and I could tell this was a positive decision for us.

The last couple nights, she's called me just before (sometimes while) drifting off to sleep. While not everything makes perfect sense given the late hour, I can tell that mentally and emotionally she is sharp and energized. She's begun a difficult work regimen, but I can tell that she's totally engaged with her additional responsibilities.

It's a very surreal moment -- realizing this new stage in life will be really healthy -- while also understanding that it's going to take some creative thinking, because life/marriage/friendships won't look like "Leave It To Beaver." Of course, I knew that a loooong time ago!

Redirect

So I had dinner with a friend this weekend, and during the course of conversation we spoke about times when we get frustrated with larger things in life that are not changing, and how often we redirect/displace this anger towards smaller, more manageable daily occurrences.

While I've certainly made strides in this area in the last year or so, at times I still find myself raising my voice to bad CA drivers, red lights, or the cats because I feel "stuck" in certain areas of life. I feel like the "unknown" or "difficult" should be an inspiration to do more, but instead my emotions reject this growth process and short-circuit -- favoring disengagement or autopilot instead.

Intellectually, I understand that I need to run (screaming like a banshee, if necessary) into the challenges of finding a writing job in Atlanta, conversations with my parents/family that strongly establish my individual identity apart from their conceptions, and continuing to grow & rebuild things with The Philosophress (be it cross-country, in different cities, or finally, in the same dwelling!) despite -- and maybe even because -- I know it will be difficult.

I intensely dislike spending so much willpower working up the courage to act, when I see others around me acting swiftly and decisively. I wasn't always this way, and I need to figure out what's broken so I can get back to living life with reckless abandon.

Marianne Williamson (or Nelson Mandela??)

"...Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

-- Marianne Williamson

The Philosophress Blogs!

Check her out here -- I'll put links to more blogs on the left over the weekend....

Back from the Land Beyond?

Yes, I'm still alive, and much has changed. The Philosophress has come and gone (sadness!) I recall a conversation we had around Christmas time -- something to the effect of "We can't be in California together, because there's just too many bad habits and there's something in the house she's allergic to," and what do we do 5 months later?

We started the week off by spending a couple days on Catalina Island, SoCal's answer to Cinqueterre. I, of course, being the swarthy man that I am, promptly burned my pasty-white skin, which meant that our outdoor activities the rest of the time (kayaking) required a bucket hat, long sleeve collared shirt, and a life vest draped over my legs. H-o-t-t.

The Philosophress has been doing a sweet amount of traveling, with trips to Mexico, China, and Puerto Rico from March - July of this year. I have resolved within myself that I need to get in on that action, so I've revved up the job search again. Leave something in the comments section if you want to review my personal website and give me pointers, and thanks to all of you who've already chimed in.

It's interesting -- I came across some of my self-made business cards from 2004 (before the whole "moving to CA" debacle and when I was trying to find a job in Indy), and the tagline below my name reads

"Integrating written communication and technological acumen to enhance your organization's online and print publications"


It makes my full-time positions the last couple years a bit ironic in retrospect.

So anyway, I've decided that I've had enough fun in CA, so this week I've applied for two university writing/publication positions, and I plan on hitting up Habitat for Humanity, who has several interesting positions available at the ATL HQ (special thanks to Pheidipides for pointing these out).

As I said to The Philosophress earlier, it would be *so* nice to set my vision, set a goal (job in ATL by the summer or early fall), and be able to find the right combination of actions that bring this to fruition.

We (heart) Natural Disasters!

Well I should post some good news here in case any of you are wondering about the health and well-being of The Philosophress and her exploits in China. From her perspective, there is all good news, as she was in Beijing at the time of the earthquake. She called me this morning (nighttime her time), so I didn't even have time to look at news before my fears were allayed.

She sounded rather normal and unharried, so I take that to mean that the catastrophe did not and will not have a demonstrative effect on the remainder of her trip. She is heading to Hong Kong on Tuesday and flies back to Cali on Friday. She said they were driving in a bus and noticed people standing outside a building. At first they assumed people were waiting in line to purchase Olympic tickets, but then realized that *all* the buildings had people standing outside...

I am especially appreciative of the Duke emergency system -- I received a call from a campus employee notifying me that they had contacted the group and verified everyone's safety, finishing by sending me an updated itinerary for the remainder of the trip (to my untrained eyes, nothing has changed, with the possible exception of inter-city departure times). In all, a very peaceful, professional, and reassuring experience in spite of the dreadful and chaotic atmosphere elsewhere in the country.

I feel very blessed to have her living adventure without being in the "eye of the storm" (to borrow from earlier experiences!) It humanizes the situation for me, and I find my heart more invested in following the relief and rescue efforts than I would be if I didn't know someone a few hundred miles from the epicenter.

~~~

On the humorous side, what on EARTH is it with us and natural disasters while traveling?! The Philosophress' superpowers must be especially potent lately, bending the tectonic plates to her will. This is our reinterpretation of the Butterfly Effect: The Philosophress thinks about me halfway across the world, her heart goes pitter-patter, and look what happens...



(I of course do not mean to make light of the tragedy of this situation

Not Intentional, but a good reminder

So this morning, I noticed that Tony Dungy's autobiography was sitting in my bathroom, only partially read. My parents bought it for me as a Christmas present, and while I've heard many people speak highly of it, I haven't gotten around to finishing it.

The book's title is Quiet Strength.

As I think about living life authentically (and everything The Philosophress needs me to be), "quiet strength" probably wouldn't be near the top of the list of things I should focus on.

Just a morning reminder that what works for some won't necessarily work for me.

New Cell Phone

So my cell phone is wheezing its last breaths, and it's time for me to explore my other options. Here's my dilemma: The Philosophress is pushing me to get an iPhone (tragic, I know!), going so far as to enter my name into free contests at b-school. Here's the problem: we're currently on Verizon, and I'm concerned that our lengthy conversations (currently free) on two different carriers will kill our free, paid, and any other minute plan.

She also has the Blackberry 8830, so there are possibilities for some software synergy if we stay with Verizon. I think it's pretty much a done deal that Apple comes out with a 3G (faster) iPhone by Q3, and the new Blackberry Curve doesn't debut for Verizon until 5/30.

Since I can't check personal email at work, I'd really like that feature on the phone, and everyone else seems to have text/email access these days, and I'd appreciate a full keyboard instead of the 3-letters-per-key format that I have (by the time I find all the letters, I forget what I was trying to say).

I appreciate any insights below, or if there's another sweet phone out there that I'm missing...

Side-by-side comparison

ND & Alumni Senate, part one of many

So my blog reader(s) have complained that I need some additional information on here to supplant the wisdom of Gen. Patton.

So I give you a story from my recent weekend. I had the privilege to go to ISI (first time in Co-Mo since I was a student). Of course, I knew only 3 people there, two of whom were either staff or graduate students. Yes, I'm old. But they did make an announcement for MOG Camping. Apparently, those brave (deranged?) enough to partake do not shave between Easter and MOG Camping, which I find fittingly bold.

Anyhoo, during announcement time I was called upon to share as the resident expert who had attended the first MOG Camping trip. I told them how proud I was that they were fostering community, and reminded them that our first campout location was "ironically" named Bair Island, and sat down.

I'm not sure if the girls understood, but I think the men got the point.

George Patton

A good plan, violently executed now, is better than a perfect plan next week.

-- George Patton

Bon Jovi

So I had the privilege of seeing Bon Jovi this evening, and I have a couple observations. First, I was in a corporate suite (sweet!), and it was like walking into a den of cougars. All these middle-aged women who left their husbands at home to go out and have a fantastic time singing at the top of their lungs, having a few drinks, and chatting up younger dudes (such as myself and my traveling companions for the evening).

Lesson #1: Don't become such a dull guy that sitting on the couch at home is acceptable for a Friday night.

Lesson #2: Don't become such a dull guy that the wife will have more fun leaving you behind, knowing she'll meet more entertaining characters at whatever party or event she's attending.


During one of the songs, they showed images from Americana (county fairs, rolling hills, mountains & canyons, children playing Little League, high school football games, small-town Main Streets, etc). I realized that all those images are like the anti-SoCal. What's more, I found myself strangely disconnected from them -- I know that my heart really enjoys that depth, but surrounded by thousands of other suburbanites, I found myself thinking along with them, "How hokey." I long to get caught up in good people and a slower pace of life -- the pressures and expectations out here are still daunting, even though I'm continually in a better place internally.

Lesson #3: Expend a *tremendous* amount of effort pursuing an Atlanta job. All places are not equal, and SoCal just wears me down and tires me out. I'm doing a much better job at being authentic, but a change of scenery will also be a cause for great personal growth.

C. S. Lewis

(about Aslan, the Lion)

"Safe? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good."

-- C. S. Lewis (from The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe)

Google Has Some Work To Do

So I've become a pretty big fan of Gmail -- but when an email composition is saved and then accessed again, little ads come up on the right-hand side. Ostensibly, Google has scanned your draft message and posted ads that apply or are related in some way.

However, for your laughing pleasure, here are the ads that popped up as I was composing a morning email to The Philosophress. Anyone want to take a stab at what I was writing about? (Hint: it has *nothing* to do with any of the ads listed below)

Sponsored Links (feedback)

Fear No Karate Man
Easily Rip Apart Any Black Belt Secrets They Don't Want You To Know
www.CloseCombatTraining.com

Point of Sale Displays
Lightweight and Innovative - Unique and Cost Effective
www.mytradeshowdisplay.com

Rio de Janeiro Apartments
Magical Views and Internet Service 2, 3, 4 Bedrooms - Many Penthouses
www.rentinrio.com

House of Design
exclusive furniture designers looking for something extraordinary
www.house-of-design.nl

Monalisa Apart
Find Deals, Read Reviews from Real People. Get the Truth. Then Go.
www.TripAdvisor.com

Tiger Woods

"The greatest thing about tomorrow is, I will be better than I am today. And that's how I look at my life. I will be better as a golfer, I will be better as a person, I will be better as a father, I will be a better husband, I will be better as a friend. That's the beauty of tomorrow. There is no such thing as a setback. The lessons I learn today I will apply tomorrow, and I will be better."

-- Tiger Woods

Blaise Pascal

“Clarity of mind means clarity of passion, too; this is why a great and clear mind loves ardently and sees distinctly what he loves.”

-- Blaise Pascal

Dancing with the Funk

For whatever reason, everyone in my office watches "Dancing with the Stars." I've poked enough fun at those folks around the water cooler, not to mention the fact that I actually used to do that sort of thing with some regularity. So I decided that I'd start watching once the new season began a couple weeks ago.

I'm hooked.

Of course, there's lots of filler, unnecessary tension and buildup -- but the dancing...ah, the dancing! When I think back to catalysts that bring about passion and enjoyment inside me, dancing is one of those. In my search for authenticity, dancing in high school was probably the first time I stepped out of my "comfort zone" and found something that I could call my own. There's so much to love about dancing: performance, music, rhythm, athleticism, and who can argue with the 3-to-1 girl/guy ratio? Naturally, I have to be more sensible about these things these days (I spent too much of my wedding reception dancing with other women to the exclusion of The Philosophress!), but I've learned that it's not always best to throw out the baby with the bathwater.

We don't stop being ourselves once we decide to marry, and I'm learning some of the things I released in the name of "responsibility" I must take up again in the name of "passionate spontaneity." Status quo is for old people (or maybe for people who live in the same city as their spouse...)

Howard Thurman

"Don’t worry about what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and do that. Because what the world needs are people who have come alive."

-- Howard Thurman

NY Times caricature artists sketch the Presidential candidates

Combining wit, satire, exaggeration -- how to tell a story with pictures.


(HT: Signal vs. Noise)

Good Friday

Great post today on Anywired, one of the blogs I read with regularity:

What would you do if there were ten of you? (Putting aside the social and existential awkwardness that might cause, of course.)

Once you’ve answered that question, something to think about:

What will you do because there is only one of you?

Wow. Where do I begin? For whatever reason, putting things in that light makes a tremendous difference -- filtering out the stuff of life and getting down the meat. There would be a bunch of guitar playing, fantastic late-night conversations (leaping wildly from groan-inducing puns to topics filled with gravitas), and a thirst for adventure. I (We?) would constantly seek out well-thought perspectives to bump against, seeing what makes sense with life. *Lots* of writing -- that would be the industry of choice.

I keep looking for a roadmap, someone who's been this way before to show me the ropes. But because there is only one of me, I have to reference others' decisions rather than plagiarizing their circumstances, experiences, and relationships in hopes of passing them off as my own.

~~~

In light of Good Friday, it's easy to see why Christ did what He did -- because there *was* only one of Him, and His purpose was unique. I feel like such a goof -- I've always heard references to Passion Week and the movie The Passion of the Christ, without realizing the tremendous zeal behind Christ's actions. He didn't walk into the Temple unprepared to throw out the money-changers -- He knew the actions, intentions, and processes of all the transactions occurring. In short, He had done His homework. At the Last Supper, He had already laid out the foreshadowed examples -- going way back to Egypt and Passover. He was the expert in His field, in charge of orchestrating the entire operation. He was undeterred by others who claimed expertise in religion, politics, or pushing for social revolution.

He gave us life, but He also exemplified the passion required to really live.

Ye Shall Know Emotion, and Emotion Shall Set You Free

Ok, so I'm turning the Apostle's words on their head, but here's one of my more recent Life Lessons:

Instead of trying to stay "even-keeled" throughout all days and all circumstances -- which requires a *ton* of energy to pull everything towards the center -- I'm learning to embrace each day for what it is and roll with it.

Why so difficult, you may ask? In the midst of painful circumstances, sorrow and confusion still make their way into my heart at times. Those much smarter than I acknowledge sadness on those days, but are also free to revel in life's joys.

So I've decided I'm going to Get Smart. Instead of wading through days when I'd rather collapse in bed at 8p from emotional exhaustion, I find myself doing so (when it's required). By extension, that leaves me free to ride on the crest of joyful emotions -- late into the night or for days on end -- when such excitement is present.

In all my searching for authenticity, this seems to be the next logical step. Acknowledging "Yes, today stinks" when Life feels too burdensome and acting accordingly; exalting when life is full of excitement and living in that moment just as passionately.

Tonight, I will be wearing a green shirt with sunglasses, heckling the television -- it's already a good day.

(thus concludes my use of nautical allusions -- I count no less than 4 in the preceding post)

Owning one's emotions, both good and bad? Definitely smart.
Owning a cell phone that doesn't display one's stockinged feet? Even smarter.

Masochistic Madlibs

http://marthabeck.typepad.com/martha_beck/2008/03/was-nancy-reaga.html

Whoo! the above link basically requests that you recall the triggers for negative stressful experiences in life (people, places, events) and then combines them into one fictional scenario at the end.


I've had the unfortunate privilege of listening to others tell me what's best for them and then persuading myself that their opinions are what's best for me -- on multiple occasions. Thus, the fictional scenario at the end had some fairly strong physical reactions (fear, chest tightening, shortness of breath, etc).

The point, of course, is that such a worst-case scenario should be a reminder that no individual should voluntarily cede control to harmful people or situations that make your essential self (see her definition) scream "NO." One should examine relationships and opportunities and avoid those that elicit these negative reactions.

I also enjoy the reminder that "stress" is not in and of itself a negative, because positive growth and change is stressful, but in a positive way. One of the biggest "good stress" decisions I've made is partnering with The Philosophress to make this long-distance thing work. Not easy, to be sure, but it certainly feels right. My next big opportunity to make a "good stress" decision is in planning for the long-awaited career change to Atlanta.

Thankfully, there's a part two to this exercise in a couple weeks, where the "YES" is quantified. I'll be looking forward to that with much more expectation...

Henry Ford

“Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.”

-- Henry Ford

A Match Made With Trouble

What happens when I connect two Domers from different parts of the country who both have experience in hotel management?

Hilarity.

In a few short hours, we had:

- gotten myself invited to an afterparty this week -- free refreshments (I'll provide the high fashion and good looks)

- found our way into the end of a Lifehouse concert at the House of Blues (complete with the come-in-through-the-kitchen back entrance)

- shared incredible customer relations disaster stories (I did more "listening" than "sharing"). My favorite: a stalker being hauled off to jail (repeatedly violating the restraining order held by an employee), only to use their *one phone call* to telephone the victim...despite cautioning the police "don't let this guy contact the victim." You can't make this stuff up.

Medical Benefits

Early morning conversations are always interesting these days. To wit:


The Philosophress: So apparently BCG pays for all fertility treatments.

Irish Elvis: What does that mean? Like in vitro fertilization and whatnot?

The Philosophress: Yeah, all that stuff. $5 co-pay. Pretty nice.

Irish Elvis: It's like they're admitting, "You'll be traveling too much to have sex with your spouse. Give us a couple of your eggs and we'll take care of the rest."


It's not like I try to be hilarious -- this stuff just comes instinctively.

Converse

I would be remiss if I didn't post this century retrospective on the ol' Chuck Taylors

http://www.boston.com/business/gallery/converse100/

Hooray for NC

So after returning to California and battling a weeklong case of Timidity, I've had a string of welcome blessings: I've rediscovered an old (but still relevant) book. I had a surprise phone conversation with the Sabellian. And I'm getting a surprise visit this week from someone who's like a brother...and I don't mean like an actual brother, I mean it in the way that black people use it. Which is more meaningful, I think.

Anyway, I began reading the book Wild at Heart for the third time this afternoon (first time was in college, second time was after the ice-cream debacle), and was astounded that it continues to have increasing relevancy. Since the last time I picked it up, The Philosophress and I went hiking in the North Carolina mountains, and the exploration/wilderness metaphors resonate with me so much more now that I have actual life experience to draw upon.

I wrote the following last October after returning from hiking, but never felt it was "complete" or thorough enough to post. However, reading this book again I think will help me to color in some of the spots I've missed. I still can't do the weekend justice, as I think that I'll have to more Adventurous Living in order to do a better job of describing, but at my core I really felt that weekend and experiences were a momentous turning point in my self-discovery.


~~~



What a money weekend. Good times with The Philosophress, and a fantastic time hiking. Gorgeous fall weather too. It's a pretty crazy reminder of just how I need to keep searching and pursuing new things and being in a good place mentally and emotionally, because I'm finding new things to be pretty incredible.

For starters, it was great to be able to travel in comfortable clothes and guitar in hand, rather than an interview suit and the responsibilities of acting professional and put-together. I'm still new at this whole "adventurous" thing, so the great outdoors is still a bit of a pleasant surprise to me. Growing up, it was all about comfort and convenience, so my first true outdoor experience was the Breckenridge ski trip (astute readers will recall that I pretty much sat that one out, as I really had no idea what I was doing). I made a second attempt during Cheap Smokes, and was a bit more engaged, but still wasn't feeling like a "trail veteran" but I think this weekend solidified my view of cabin life and hiking in general -- now that I've become comfortable and accustomed to this outdoor stuff, I think I like it!

Reentry back into the SoCal lifestyle was difficult, as I realize that my adventurous, freewheeling, and creative self that I cultivated in college really doesn't have a place in the hard-driving, nouveau riche, surface atmosphere out here. Folks out here just don't want to hear about how great it is to climb boulders and take pictures of trees (no matter how stunning) because they might scratch their freshly-manicured nails (this goes for both males and females...kidding, sort of).

Theodore Roosevelt

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man in the arena, whose face marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly ... who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who have never known neither victory nor defeat.

-- Theodore Roosevelt